Day 16

Good:

Dear Lewis,

I have a few words for you (quoted from a popular song):

"Shut- up and put your money where your mouth is....."

My picture collage is DONE. And perfect. And hanging on my wall as I speak. And I owe it all to a few things. First, my dear husband, don't bet me to do something, if you don't want it to get done. I ALWAYS win a bet......always. Second, huge props to my sister who (whenever she comes into town) helps me to do stuff that I normally wouldn't do myself. (In fact, my darling Lewis, maybe you should fly her into town more often. Hmmmmm. It's pretty tempting, isn't it?) And lastly, I know you never thought it would get done, but I DID IT, and now you must admit, it looks pretty rockin', doesn't it?

Now pay up.
That's all.
I love you,

Your darling (yes, I finally followed through with something) wife

Bad:

Back when I was in high school my dear old pappy called me into his "den" one day because he had something to show me. It seems as though there was an educational program on the discovery channel that chronicled the life of a housefly and my Dad had recorded it so that all of us kids could watch it. While this may seem bizarre to an outsider looking in, it was not in the least bit strange for us children. My father has always had a long-standing hatred for the fly. And his hate runs deep. So deep, in fact, that he felt it was his civic duty to pass the torch on to all of his offspring. After watching the hour long program, I was sufficiently disgusted and ready to cultivate my own hatred for that disgusting little pest. Well, Dad, I am proud to report that many years later I am a born and bred, true blue, FLY HATER! And this time of year could not make me more crazy!!!! There are flies everywhere. And with four kids coming in and out of the house all day? I'm pretty much screwed. It is not atypical for you to pass by my house and, if my windows are open, hear these sorts of things coming from inside:

"Die, you ball of poop, die!"
"Ha. Ha. Sucker. Gotcha."
"Burn, baby, burn."
"You are going to die a very painful death."


Quickly followed by: "Grab the Clorox wipes.....we've got to disinfect."

And do you want to know something really sad? The flies aren't even really bad this year.....and by really bad I use this for a comparison. When we first moved into our house (which will be seven years ago in a couple of months) I walked in my garage one morning to find flies had COMPLETELY covered the ceiling of my garage. There were hundreds and hundreds of the little suckers and after I dry-heaved AND had a mild panic-attack, I couldn't help but wonder the reason for all those flies being there. Of course, my sick and twisted mind had to wonder.....did one of the people that built our house stash a dead body in the roof of the garage and now the body is decomposing ergo the vast amount of flies covering the roof of my effin' garage? (And yes, I know, I do watch a little too much CSI.) But alas, a more reasonable (albeit, less exciting) explanation is the fact that we lived by cows.....and a lot of people who have horses. (But how was I supposed to know that? I mean, a dead body stashed in your garage is a totally plausible explanation as well.) Well, now that said cows are long gone, I no longer wake to find my garage as a breeding ground for flies, but still..........can't it just freakin' snow already so that we can kill these little suckers off for good?

08.20.09